


To Live and Take a Chance

by Kylie_Smilie_26



Series: To Live and Take a Chance [1]
Category: Castle
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-20
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylie_Smilie_26/pseuds/Kylie_Smilie_26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on To Live and Die in LA. Kate reflects on that letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Live and Take a Chance

**Author's Note:**

> This was written some time ago - in May 2011. Still, thought there might be some people who may be interested. :) 
> 
> I know I know, just about anyone who's anyone has done a tag for To Live and Die in LA. It's been ages since I wrote anything even resembling a fic, but this truly amazing show and even more amazing episode gave me inspiration (more's the pity :p ) and this is the result. It's nowhere near as good as most of the one-shots that have resulted from this awesome episode. It wasn't quite what I had in mind but the muse, (on the rare occasions it does greet me with its presence), takes me in unexpected directions. ;)  
> I certainly don't own Castle - that honour belongs to the highly talented Andrew W Marlowe. I won't be earning a cent.  
> Anyway I'm sure you just want me to shut up and get on with the story. Hope you enjoy and feedback would be wonderful! I am rather nervous about this little baby.

_And now for the hard part, kid. It's clear that you and Castle have something real and you're fighting it._

But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want to do is look back on your life and wonder, if only.

She glanced over at her sleeping partner who was sitting in the seat beside her. _How the hell did Royce pick up on "us" in such a short time?_ She wondered, as she re-read the last paragraph for the umpteenth time. _I mean I know how perceptive the man is... was, but that is just damn creepy._ She then focused back on Castle. That had been the pattern for the last fifteen minutes, read, then turn and gaze upon her partner. She stared wordlessly at Castle, who had been her tower of strength over the last few months and was only just beginning to realise his depth of feelings toward her. _All the songs are making sense..._

She loved how he looked so at peace in his slumber; his boyish features perhaps looking even more youthful, if that were possible. She wondered what was going on inside that genius mind of his while he slept. What, or whom, was he dreaming about? Her? That thought drew a smile, as was so often the case when he invaded her soul, which was becoming a virtual 24/7 occurrence. And this scared her to death; after all this was the same man she took such a huge gamble on - breaking up with Demming (with whom she could have a perfectly good relationship), to take a chance and follow her heart on the fun-loving, womanising Richard Castle. She would never forget the humiliation she felt when he left with Gina - she wasn't sure if she'd ever fully recover - her heart had been crushed. She sighed, staring back down at the note as if trying to calm herself down and gather her chaotic inner ramblings that were bringing up memories she'd rather forget. _However, maybe it was for the best... we are so much closer now..._

The word so often said between them, "always" was quickly becoming her favourite word known to mankind; it just summed up their evolving relationship so perfectly. They had developed a real close bond over the last year; she would not give it a moment's thought to call him her best friend. Her go to person. He was the one who she turned to when she felt as if the world was closing in and going to swallow her whole in its destructive path. She trusted him implicitly... was she ready to let him in completely and trust him with her heart?

She had thrown caution to the wind the night before and was about to take the next step with her writer... Josh or no Josh. _If only I had have been a fraction earlier to open that damn door._ Her heart had literally stopped when he gave her his heartfelt speech; she wasn't stupid, he had practically told her that he loved her. _"Even now, after all this time, I'm still amazed by the depths of your heart, your strength... and your hotness."_ The fact that he merely stared into her eyes when she had given him the chance to make some humourous quip was a huge turning point for her. His silence spoke volumes to her - just maybe he is in love with her. **That** thought made her heart jump for joy. She again glanced at the man who was her rock, _Could you love me too?_

_Damn it Rick, why did you go and make me love you? Yeah I'm in love with you, Writer-Boy. And perhaps it's time I stopped wondering "if only" and see where it takes us. Even though I am absolutely freaking terrified at taking that leap._

She eventually folded Royce's letter with some care and put it into her pocket. She gently eased her left hand into the larger ones of Castle and rested her head onto his very inviting shoulder. 

She glanced up into the face of her 'ruggedly handsome' partner, _(and I'll never admit it to him, but he really is)_ , just to make sure she hadn't disturbed him from his slumber. "I love you... it **is** real." She whispered, feeling her eyes grow heavy as the whirlwind of emotions she had experienced over the last 48 hours fully seeped into her conscious; finally taking their toll.

Perhaps I should tell you that I broke up with Doctor Motorcycle Boy. This was her last thought as she felt sleep claim her.

****

The end.

****

Thanks for reading! :D Thoughts?


	2. Always... (needing you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second one-shot in this three part series based on the amazing To Live and Die in LA. :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

_He's not buying it Castle..._

Suddenly, he was kissing the one and only Katherine Beckett. Surely this had to be some kind of dream. Kissing his inspiration for Nikki Heat was a dream come true. Nothing could top this... except for maybe spending the rest of his life with her. 

Next thing he knew she was staring into his eyes; those amazing green eyes of hers questioning what the hell had happened. Then she kissed him. Hard. Mindblowing. Surely this was _not_ just for undercover... 

_I love you... it **is** real._

Where on earth had _that_ come from? That was Kate's voice, but that felt strangely out of place. But his rational side ignored that with unquestionable ease. _What rational side?_ He could hear Beckett's voice retorting in his head. Now his wildest dream had indeed come to fruition, she _loved/em > him..._

His eyes startled open. "Oh darn, it _was_ a dream." He took a moment to survey his surroundings, pieces quickly falling into place. He was on the plane, (first class of course), back to New York after solving Royce's murder had taken him and his partner on a whirlwind trip to LA. After Montgomery had kicked her off the investigation, he just _knew_ that she would fly solo so naturally he just had to take a sudden stop to visit the set of his movie. Ensuring Kate didn't do something stupid to solve her former mentor's murder was just a coincidence... _yeah right Richard, keep telling that to yourself, you might actually believe it one day._

His daydreams were brought to a grounding halt by not one but two things. First, his shoulder was rapidly sending bursts of signals to his genius grey matter that something was weighting down upon it that shouldn't be. And second, a hand was encased in between both of his.

He looked down, and could scarcely believe his eyes. _I'm still asleep; I must be still asleep._ The source of his constant daydreams, (and those night ones too), had rested her head upon his shoulder, obviously deciding that it made a wonderful pillow. He inwardly squeed at the fact that she had placed her hand in his. _Did she do that before or after she went to sleep?_ He decided that it didn't matter, the love of his life was getting some much needed rest and was using him as a human pillow. _When will that woman admit that she needs me as much as I need her?_

_Last night was pretty close to **something** happening. So many missed opportunities... the radiation lockdown, the freezer, the aftermath of the dirty bomb scare..._

"Do you need anything Mr Castle?" A woman's voice startled him out of his reverie. His undivided attention on Kate momentarily lost as his neck craned to the voice off it's own volition. _How dare you disturb this magical moment? Doesn't Doctor Motorcycle Boy do that enough already?_

He took a breath, calming his childish thoughts. "Nothing for now thank you." 

"What about your lady friend?" 

He quickly shook his head. "All she needs at the moment is a good rest."

With the stewdardess gone he could focus all his attention on his partner, who thankfully had not been roused during that brief, but ill timed, intermission. He again looked at his sleeping detective, who was mumbling something unintelligible in her sleep. She seemed to have snuggled deeper into him, her face practically buried in his chest, her hand clutching onto his a little tighter than before. 

"Aww KB. I'm always going to be here for you. Always." He whispered into her long wavy hair, unable to resist the sweet temptation to kiss the top of her head. He then gently rested his head on top of hers, carefully putting an arm around her. He was _not_ waking her until the plane landed. End of story.

_And when we get back, we are going to have our uninterrupted moment. We are not going to miss yet another opportunity... Josh or no Josh._

***C &B***

_"No Castle no... Stay with me... stay with me..."_

Castle was jerked awake by his suddenly restless partner in crime. She was near shaking with violent tremors. His heart ached for the woman who had come to mean so much to him. His surprised state quickly turned into one of action, gently pulling her closer to him so as not to frighten her. He murmured sweet nothings to her, hoping that this would ease whatever monsters that plagued her in her sleep. He was a little surprised to hear that the terror was associated with him, it was _him_ she was tearfully pleading to stay with her.

_"Don't leave me Castle. You can't do this to me. You don't get to do this to me."_

"Ssh KB, I've got you. I'm right here. I'm right here. Ssh, it's okay." He rubbed her back soothingly, in an effort to let her know that everything was indeed okay, he was here. 

_"Please Castle..."_

In a matter of minutes, her cries had subsided and her shaking had all but stopped. He again kissed the top of her head. "You're safe now Katie, you're safe. It was only a bad dream." He whispered to her sleeping form. 

He was now more than determined than ever to change the status quo of their relationship. He just _had_ to be there for her. In the throes of passion, in good times, in sickness. It didn't matter, he _was_ her one and done. _However long it takes KB, I will wait... but hopefully not for too much longer._

**The end.**


	3. Thank you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the concluding part to the To Live and Take a Chance one-shot series. Enjoy!

_I'm open to dumb ideas here..._

_Good because I've got one..._

_He's not buying it Castle.._

Next thing I know, his hands are cupping my face and his lips meet mine. Part of me is in shock. _Why the heck is he kissing me?_ The other half is thinking... _Oh hell, I've died and gone to heaven, his lips are so soft..._ I feel myself reciprocate and then just as I think that this gentle kiss is about to heat up, he pulls away. I'm sure the look that I'm clearly seeing in his eyes is reflected in mine.

I vaguely remember the security guard steadily approaching us and that Esposito and Ryan's lives are at stake. _To hell with it... it's our best chance... keep dreaming Katherine._ Before I'm even fully aware of what I'm doing I'm kissing him. _God, he's **such** a damn good kisser... I could do this all day..._ This kiss is totally unlike its predecessor. Where the first one was soft and gentle, this one is hard and passionate. I'm sure I moan at some point, (for the guard's benefit of course, not because I'm actually enjoying it), and I let his tongue slide in. _Oh. My. God..._

Somehow I am aware of a soft chuckle right near us. _Oh sh!t, the guard._ The idiot bought it! _Although, maybe it wasn't all that hard for him to buy it..._

Bam said the lady! I knock the guard out with what energy I have left. _That was **amazing**..._

***C &B***

Out of the corner of my eye I see Lockwood. I quickly turn to find him with one serious rifle aimed directly for that space inbetween my eyes. Out of nowhere Castle looks like he's some kind of superhero, flying in the air to put Lockwood off kilter. The writer's done it again. He's saved my freaking life... again. I've lost count now. 

Once I've got my bearings I run to where I last saw them. A strange sense of dread runs through my veins, seeping into the very depths of my soul. As I get closer, the feeling escalates to full on fear. The words _"You okay?"_ stop in their tracks... 

My worst fear is staring me right in the face. The man who kissed me, (and I kissed him back), only moments ago was lying on the cold cement floor with a pool of crimson rapidly blossoming beneath him. The man who has come to mean so much to me is dying here in this dark and dusty warehouse.

 _"Kate..."_ His voice is a former shadow of itself, weak and hoarse. It's not that magical deep tone that can weave a story so wonderfully well that I've come to love so much. 

Him calling me by my first name brings me out of my stupor. I virtually throw myself down beside him, one hand putting pressure on the wound, and the other mirroring his actions from outside the warehouse, cupping his face for as long as I dare before placing it on top of the other one. 

_**"You're gonna be okay Castle. You hear me? You're gonna be just fine."**_

He groans in response. My heart breaks just that little bit more and I'm finding it harder and harder to breathe. 

_"Kate."_ He's wheezing now. 

_Oh f**k_

_**"No Castle no... Stay with me... stay with me..."** _

His eyes are glazing over now. I can almost see the lights going out. 

_NO NO NO_

**"Don't leave me Castle. You can't do this to me. You don't get to do this to me."**

("Ssh KB, I've got you. I'm right here. I'm right here. Ssh, it's okay.") 

That was _his_ voice, but he did _not_ say that... great now I'm hearing things. But from somewhere I feel a soothing sensation, it's almost like someone's behind me rubbing my back. 

_**"Please Castle..."** _

_**("You're safe now Katie, you're safe. It was only a bad dream.")** _

Only a bad dream? Is he kidding? It's a freaking living nightmare! Again, I feel a strange sensation, but this time it's like someone's kissing the top of my head.

Maybe it _is_ a bad dream. A horrible horrible dream. I hear sirens wailing in the distance as I close my eyes and fall into mindless oblivion. 

*C &B* 

"The plane will be landing shortly. We hope you enjoyed your flight and thank you flying with us." 

My eyes slowly open. I'm on a plane? No, that can't be right, I have to see Castle. I need to know that he is okay. 

I become aware of a strong arm wrapped securely around me and my hand resting inbetween two larger ones. I notice that my hands fit so nicely into them. Like they're made to be there. Then the heavenly masculine scent that is only Castle hits and that feeling of safety washes over me. I have literally buried my face into his warm chest. I'm not moving _ever_ again. 

"Beckett?" 

His voice. He _is_ okay. I'm (not) dreaming (anymore). I gradually lift my head up to meet his and I'm suddenly staring into those baby blues of his, a mixture of amusement and concern radiating out of them. 

"Mmmm Castle?" My voice is heavy from sleep. 

"You okay?" 

"Mmmm yeah I'm fine." I manage to get out inbetween a yawn. 

He chuckles. "Enjoy using me as a pillow did you?" 

"You make the _best_ pillow." I mumble sleepily, snuggling back down into his warmth. _Did you just admit that out loud Kate? Where's your damn word filter?_

He stares at me in shock. I don't think he can believe I said that either. As embarrassed as I feel, part of me is snickering at the thought that I've managed to render the one and only Richard Castle speechless. 

"Um. Uh yeah. Well as much as I'd love for you to stay there we should think about getting out of here." 

"Huh?" I'm confused. _What is he talking about?_

"The plane's landed. We're back in New York." He replies as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, his eyes depicting a growing concern. 

Reality suddenly hits me like a tsunami, its waves knowing no fear as they threaten to drown me. Royce. Dead. Flying to LA. Castle. Sharing a hotel room. Castle practically declaring his love for me. Wanting him to make love to me. Ganz. The letter. 

"You sure you're okay?" His voice stops my reverie. 

I smile at him. A smile I'm sure is his alone. "Yeah I'm good." 

He smiles back. I don't think I've seen him ever smile at anyone else like that. Or maybe that's wishful thinking. _Yeah Kate, you've got it bad girl._ "Come on, let's go home." 

"Castle?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Thank you. (I love you.)" 

"Always. (I love you too.)" 

**The end.**

Thanks for reading. :D Thoughts? 


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